Awesome Advice To Live By

Disclaimer: I am not Deepak Chopra or the Dalai Lama. If I were, I'd probably spring for a nicer blog that costs a bajillion* dollars to run.  Therefore, my advice is awesome at best and kinda sketchy otherwise. 

Giving life advice is pretty boring, so I'm going to spice things up a little and use quotes from movies I like to help you become a better version of yourself.

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." 
Rhett Butler (Clark Gable), Gone with the Wind [1939]

Live life like you don't give a shit. Life is way too short to worry about what other people think. Everybody is guilty of this, including me, but it's just not worth it. Give a great speech without worrying about what your audience will think, wear what you please and stand up for what you believe in. It's your life after all. 

"All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up."
Norma Desmond (Gloria Swanson), Sunset Boulevard [1950]

You are unique in your own special way. Yeah, I could say that to everyone, but it's true. Life life like you are ready for your close-up because something great could be right around the corner, whether it's the perfect job, fame, a great love or everything you have always wanted. If the cast of Jersey Shore could command this much attention, you have nothing to worry about... ever. 

"I want to be alone."
Grusinskaya (Greta Garbo), Grand Hotel [1932]

Doing things alone is so underrated. Learn to do things alone and you will be surprised how much you learn about who you are as an individual. Go to a restaurant instead of ordering takeout, go to a movie you want to watch even if your friends don't or take a class by yourself. After all, how can others love spending time with you when you aren't willing to the same?

"I'll have what she's having."

Customer (Estelle Reiner), When Harry Met Sally [1989]

Yes, I realize what happens thirty seconds before the customer says this. But, the reason I included this quote is that you should sometimes try what the person next to you is having. You never know what you like until you have tried everything. Try something a friend recommends strongly, whether it involves watching a documentary on animal cruelty or taking a class on African art.

* I bet you didn't know there is a type of spider called the Bajillion Spider from South Africa. Each "single" spider is made up of thousands of spiders that work together to scare the shit out of you. True story. Okay, maybe not the scaring the shit out of you part. I don't know you and what scares you, buddy. I can only give you awesome advice and a fun fact for the day. What more do you want from me?!? Jeez.


That's What's Up

The world was blessed  with the spawn of Jay Z and Beyonce
So much fear and doubt did the pictures of B.I.C allay
She clearly looked like a mixture of both of her parents
No "Fake Pregnancy!" and other such nonsensical judgements
Everyone hated Gisele's comments after the Superbowl
But that's what happens when you live life in a fish bowl
At the amFAR Gala, Lindsay Lohan was an unfortunate mess
Her hair wasn't doing her any favors, and neither was her dress
Every nominee is amping up his/her Oscar campaign
By persuading voters after they have had a lot of champagne
That's what's happening in the world of entertainment
If you laughed out loud, please leave a comment!

Things I Hate

1) trying to come up with something riveting for my first post.

2) perfect people that like to instantly remind you how unbelievably perfect they are. Think Gwyneth Paltrow. Also, we haven't seen a picture of you and Chris Martin in ages. You aren't nearly as perfect as you (I) think.

3) bitchy teenagers. I, like, don't care that she, like, likes him too. OMG, I totes do. Actually, I haven't been a teenager in six years, so I don't even know if people still talk like that. Do they? Also, I just told you how old I am. Kinda. Use your mad math skills to figure it out. 

4) the words "moist" and "hubby". Hopefully not together. I'm now picturing a sweaty unattractive male wearing a tiny wife-beater. Gag.

5) people who feel the need to abbreviate absolutely everything in text messages. Idk wtf rotfl means. Actually, I do, but I don't think I'm that funny. Thank you for figuratively rolling around on the floor for me though.

6) dressed up dogs. That's basically animal cruelty people.

7) technology. Actually, this one requires clarification. I LOVE advances in technology and I am proud to say I own an iPod, iPod Touch, iPad, MacBook Pro (do I sense a theme?) and a Blackberry Bold (see what I did there? You expected me to add an iPhone, but I didn't. I'm wildly unpredictable like that.) I just don't like it when technology messes with us. There are entire websites devoted to this, such as Damn You, Auto Correct.

8) the fact that New York apartments continue to cost a fortune even though the rest of the country is practically in the shitter. 

9) trying to come up with ten things for this list. 

10) lists with exactly ten things in them. Why can't I hate an odd number of things, damnit?